Prescription for Love

9:50 AM, Aug 19, 2013   |    comments
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Remi Spicer from Great Lakes Counseling shares tips on forming and maintaining relationships.

Steve Harvey has a new book out,  "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" in which he reportedly says there should be a 3 month(90 day) rule before having sexual relationships.  People often ask me as a licensed professional, about my "rules" for dating.  I can honestly tell you that in my 15 years of experience helping people, I have seen people have long lasting relationships when they....OOPS....got reckless and slept together the 1st night.   I have seen that be a disaster too, especially when someone confuses sex with love or feels as though they are going to "right" a "wrong" by "making" a relationship work with someone they know is not a good match for them.  The truth of the matter is ALL ADVICE, including mind, comes from people's own experiences, fears, and projections.  Steve Harvey It is not revealing research about what works and what doesn't - the same thing goes for John Gray's Mars Venus books.  Interesting to read anyone's perspective though, as u create your own guidelines but readers must beware that these self help books may not actually be research proven methods for success in relationships.

 

My best dating guideline is:

 

1.).  BE YOURSELF - the right match for you will like what they see and know how to deal with you!  I am opposed to dating "strategies.".   In principal, you shouldn't have to coerce or manipulate someone in to loving you.

 

2.).  Red Light, Yellow Light, Green Light:

 

Pay attention to what hasn't worked in the past and put it on a "Red light" list - no matter how strong the urge, don't do it.  Try something different to get a different life!  Think about the ways and situations you need to proceed with caution - put those behaviors on a "Yellow light" list and slow down in those situations, use a 1 week or 24 hour rule, for instance.  What seems like a must on Sunday may not on Monday.  Last, look around at the people you know who dated well, who demonstrate self respect.  Read self help books and develop your "Green light" behavior list.  Act "as if" - or as some say, "fake it till you make it."  Take action over your life and engage in Green light behaviors that support YOUR sense of self esteem.  That's the "cake."  If the other person responds, you've got an iced cake.  If not, remember - Thy will be done, not "My will be done."

 

 3.). If it doesn't feel right, don't try to talk yourself in to it.  Don't "settle" for less than 100% match when dating.  Dating is supposed to be about finding what works, and what doesn't.  I get calls every week from people who ignore their own intuition and cues around them that the match was not a good lifetime match but forged ahead anyway and now feel "buried."

 

Do you seem to attract and stay in destructive relationships?  Here is a screening test to help you assess the degree to which you are engaging in self-sabatoging and co-dependent behavior:

 

http://www.sexhelp.com/am-i-a-sex-addict/betrayal-bond-index


Remi Spicer, LMSW

Great Lakes Counseling Services

Holland: 312 Douglas

Grandville:  2675 44th St SW

616-617-1188


Remi Spicer, LMSW

Great Lakes Counseling Services

Holland: 312 Douglas

Grandville:  2675 44th St SW

616-617-1188

 

Great Lakes Counseling:  Therapy for What's Next

http://www.counselinginholland.com

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